The Amazing Range Of Sex Toys


The variety of sex toys is surprising. Sex toys vary from purely male or purely female sex toys to toys that can be used by both sexes. There are also some sex toys that can also be classified as sex aids or marital aids.

The Purpose Of Sex Toys

Some sex toys aid the man’s erection, stimulate the female genitals to become more sensitive or provide a different feel to ‘normal’ sex. Other sex toys provide an ‘environment’ for variations in sex, for example so called orgy bed sheets. Sometimes they are used to help a person who has difficulty with unaided sex to achieve sexual satisfaction. However most sex toys provide a new way to directly stimulate the male or female genitals to achieve sexual satisfaction.

Using sex toys can provide new experiences and variation in the sexual experience. It can also provide a fantasy element for enhancing or revitalising a relationship.

The usual expectation is that a sex toy provides direct stimulation of the genitals in foreplay and/or during sexual intercourse or as a means to obtain orgasm through only the stimulation provided by the sex toy.

Types of Sex Toys

Vibrating Sex Toys

Probably the most well known sex toys are ‘vibrators’ which, as the name suggests, provide stimulation of the genitals using vibration. They are mainly used to stimulate the clitoris, but may also be used to stimulate any other part of the female body or that of a man’s.

The simplest of these are pencil or wand shaped (though normally thicker than a pencil). They often have an internal battery (or two) which powers a small electric motor. Sometimes the battery pack and controller are external and connected to the vibrator by a wire. This motor is fitted with a small, out of balance, weight attached to the shaft. As this weight rotates it throws the motor and vibrator into a small circular movement which causes the vibration you feel.

With a vibrator that has a controller, as the power is increased the speed of the motor increases and with it both the rate and strength of vibration. Both the strength and rate of vibration effects how stimulating you find the sex toy. The best effect may not be as strong and as fast as possible. The optimum settings may well change as your degree of excitement builds. To get the best results it is worth buying a vibrator which is controllable.

Different vibrators will have different characteristics and you may well find you prefer one combination much more than another and your preference may even vary depending on which part of your body you are stimulating.

More recently electronic vibrator controllers have appeared which provide not only the static control of power/speed but also allow you to select patterns of power pulses and surges. These can be very effective.

There are also other vibrating sex toys such as butterfly stimulators and vibrating penis rings.

Other Powered Sex Toys

There are some sex toys that use other ways to provide mechanical stimulation. These usually depend on a motor that makes the sex toy continually change its shape which provides a sort of rotational movement or makes it move back and forth. The back and forth movements are sometimes powered by an air pump rather than a motor. The movements have been used to create, for example, mechanical licking tongues, vibrators that ‘penetrate’ the vagina and mouth simulators to give a man a ‘blow job’.

On a bigger scale and much more expensive, there are ‘sex machines’ that incorporate thrusting and vibrating dildos.

Combination Sex Toys

So far we have covered vibrating, moving and thrusting sex toys. As you may have guessed these are all offered in a bewildering array of combinations.

A common combination in many ‘Rabbit Style’ vibrators is clitoral stimulation using vibrations and vaginal stimulation using movement and sometimes a thrusting motion as well.

Many sex toys add varying textures to their surfaces; a dildo or vibrator may have ridges or soft spikes or a rippled shape.

Sensation Change Sex Toys

Some sex toys rather than provide vibrating or moving stimulation, change the feel of sex.

For instance there are a variety of sleeves to put over the penis to provide different sensations for both partners while engaged in penetrative sex.

There are rings that squeeze the base of the penis and/or tighten the scrotum that assist the man’s erection and also changes his sensations. There are penis extenders and thickeners which may give a man’s partner greater sensations during penetration.

There are a wide variety of lubricants that can significantly change the feel of sex.

There are PVC and Polyurethane bed sheets that are water and oil proof that can be used for slippery or messy sex.

Why Use A Sex Toy?

A good question is: why do people use a sex toy? Surely fingers, tongues, penises, clitorises and vaginas etc all provide great sexual stimulation and enjoyment.

Well, apart from therapeutic uses (eg erection assistance), sex toys can drive the imagination (being taken by a machine), provide variety (new ways to do old things), vary the stimulating effects in otherwise normal sex (penis sleeves) and some can provide experiences not possible with ‘normal body parts’ (particularly vibrating sex toys and electro-stimulation).

Sex Addiction FAQ


1. What is sex addiction? Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.

2. Why do people become sexually addicted? This is different for every sex addict but generally speaking there are biological, psychological, and spiritual reasons. The following is a short explanation of each reason why someone can become a sex addict. The biological addict is someone who has conditioned their body to receive endorphins and enkephlines (brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the ejaculation that provides these chemicals to their brain. Psychologically, the need to medicate or escape physical, emotional or sexual abuse can demand a substance, the early addict finds the sex medicine usually before alcohol or drugs. Spiritually, a person is filling up the God hole in them with their sexual addiction. The addiction is their spirituality, it comforts them, celebrates them and is always available and present. Then there is the sex addict who can be two or even three of the above reasons. This is why a specialist in sex addiction is the best route for recovery with sex addiction.

3. What’s the difference between sex addiction and a high sex drive? I have heard this question on almost every national talk show or radio show I have been on over the years. A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It’s not about a fix for something; when their partner says “NO” it doesn’t make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue.

4. Can you be addicted to masturbation? Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.

5. What role does pornography play in sex addiction? Pornography for many sex addicts combined with regular masturbation is the cornerstone for most sex addicts. Many sex addicts have great difficulty getting sober from this combination of behavior. The pornography with fantasy creates an unreal world that the sex addict visits throughout their adolescence and other developmental stages and creates an object relationship that conditions their emotional and sexual self to depend upon these objects and fantasies to meet their emotional and sexual needs hundreds of times before having sex with a real person.

6. Can someone be a sex addict and not be sexual with their spouse or committed relationship? YES! We call this later stage of sex addiction, sexual anorexia. In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The addict/anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request not the addict/anorexics.

7. What is it like to live with a sex addict from a partner’s or wife’s perspective? The partners/wives of sex addicts report many similar feelings about living with the sex addict. The feeling of aloneness is a common experience with partners of sex addicts, the sense that he can’t open up and tell you about his “real” self. The confusion of even after you do certain behaviors that this still is not enough and the hopelessness that there isn’t enough. Anger for many different unmet needs as a person and as a woman are often common.

8. Can partners get help even if the sex addict doesn’t? Yes, even if the addict stays in denial of their addiction the partner can receive help and support for herself. The feelings of anger, loss, loneliness and many other feelings encountered over the years of living with this addiction will effect a person. These feelings need to be dealt with therapeutically whether they stay married to the addict or not. The addiction was in no way your doing as a partner or wife, the addicts addiction started many years before you even met your addict. This addiction would have grown and damaged anyone they would have related to in any relationship.

9. Is there recovery for sex addiction? Yes, there is recovery for sex addiction. This recovery takes time and hard work especially in the first year but with guided help the sex addict can experience restoration in their emotional, relational, sexual, financial and even spiritual lives. I have seen marriages made better than they ever were and addicts live much happier lives than they ever thought possible. I have been in successful recovery over eleven years and I know it’s available for those who choose to work for and maintain recovery.

10. Is there research on sex addiction available? There is research being done in the field of sexual addiction. The monitored mail list of Heart to Heart Counseling centers provides weekly research information as well as excerpts from 101 Practical Exercises for sexual addiction recovery as well as Twelve Step discussions.

11. Can women be sex addicted? Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. Over twenty recovering female sex addicts contributed in writing She Has a Secret: Understanding Female Sexual Addiction. This book plus the Secret Solutions Workbook, with over 115 helpful techniques for recovery is just for her. If you would like to set up a telephone counseling appointment to start your journey of recovery, call today. There is hope for female sex addicts to recovery.

12. Is there any way to help our children not become sexually addicted? Yes! Even though many of our adult male clients report that their fathers were sex addicts (porn, affairs, prostitutes etc.) they also report getting little to no proper sexual information to balance their sexual perspective. Good Enough to Wait is the first video of this kind to help your children understand sex and the brain, the long-term affects of pornography, long term sexual satisfaction and a whole lot more. This is the best combination of sex research and spiritual principles to date for youth to watch to give them a proper and currently informed sex talk.

Adult ADHD – ADD – How to Cope!


Adult ADHD. When I told my friend, Andrew, that I had adult ADHD, he was quite surprised. He thought that I would be hyperactive, loud, with unlimited energy and no control over my impulses. Without sounding too patronizing, I told him that what he had in mind was child, which I wasn’t.

I then realized that many people did not know anything about adult ADHD because it is often mistaken for a disorder that only kids get. Although true to a certain extent, but most kids do not grow out of the disorder and it then tends to manifest itself no too far in the future. With years of dealing with this problem, I have realized that my symptoms have only gotten worse as I grew into adulthood. I suppose this is basically because of all the pressures of adult life. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.

Just like me, there are thousands of adults with this problem. Each day for us is a struggle where we have to control ourselves, keep our attention on the tasks at hand and keep a strict watch on our emotions. I have had troubled staying focused, being organized, managing my time and money, and remembering to do all the daily tasks. However, I have a very supportive family so it is much easier for me to deal with adult ADHD compared to all the other adults who do not have the necessary support.

I was lucky that I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a child. The same cannot be said for so many adults who are out there. Trust me when I say that living with adult ADHD is total chaos; and living with undiagnosed adult AHDH can be a living hell. A person would be constantly stressed out about missing deadlines and forgetting appointments. In addition, the person would end up aggravating his friends and family who would think of them as an under-achiever. All this leads to self-blame.

Unfortunately, there is lack of information where adult ADHD is concerned. Most of the literature that I have found deals with children aged 2 to 12. And the saddest part is the most of these children will ultimately grow up to have adult ADHD. And most adults do not know where to go to get information on ADHD. Personally I think that adults suffering from adult ADHD do not want to be treated for this disorder because of conflicting reports that are available. In addition, there is a stigma attached when an adult seeks help and treatment. This makes adult ADHD sufferers to brush their problem under the carpet and pretend that it does not exist. I think if I had taken this route, I would not be leading such a fulfilling life.

I am not ashamed at my condition, and I try to educate and help other adults with attention deficit disorder. However, in order to combat this disorder, the adult himself has to take the first step in getting the disorder treated. For me the first step was accepting that I had a problem and then the treatment for adult ADHD became a lot easier.


All About Treatment for Adult Acne Care


Yes they do. It’s simply false to believe that acne is restricted to the adolescent years and only affects teenagers. In fact, the opposite is true. Acne is quite common in later life. Around one quarter of adult men and as many as half of all adult women are likely to suffer acne at some time in their adulthood. As a consequence, demand for adult acne treatment is on the increase. Adults might feel embarrassed with the condition, but this is not appropriate. Physicians deal with adult acne frequently and they are well placed to offer good advice and suggest the most effective treatments.

Adult acne, much like adolescent cases, generally arises as a result of hormonal changes and possibly stress too. Adults who make use of cosmetic products also tend to be at risk of acne outbreaks. One reason for the increase seen in adult acne may be that the specific bacterium involved (P. acnes) is becoming resistant to common antibiotics.

Women And Acne

Women’s body are subjected to hormonal changes throughout their adult lives. It should not be surprising that adult women suffer around twice as much from acne as adult men do. Adult acne treatment may be sought by women during outbreaks which tend to occur during menstruation, pregnancy and, later in life, in the menopause.

Adult Acne Treatment

Adult acne care is much the same as that which is appropriate earlier in life. The causes and symptoms are pretty similar and as a consequence the most effective treatment for adult acne is the same too. In adult acne care there are some additional risk factors to consider. Important restrictions are imposed by pregnancy and breast-feeding, and certain treatments must be avoided.

The first products to try are likely to be medications based on benzoyl peroxide. These are very good for controlling the severity of the outbreak and also help to minimise the likelihood of scarring later. Various concentrations are available, the advice normally given is to try the lowest concentration products first as they have the mildest side effects such as skin irritation and dryness.

The retinoid treatments such as Retinol, Tretinoin and Adapalene have the additional benefit of antibiotic action. In severe cases, the health practitioner may recommend a systemic antibiotic. Often, though, the physician may be reluctant to prescribe antibiotics. This is because there is now good evidence that the specific bacteria involved are becoming resistant to antibiotic treatment and over-prescription only worsens the problem.

Mild to moderate adult acne can be effectively treated using preparations based on azelaic acid. Azelaic acid products include Acnederm, Azelex and Finacea. The concentration is usually 20%. These products are less irritating than retinoids but they may affect skin pigmentation by lightening it.

Women suffering from acne sometimes find that hormone treatment is very effective. The hormones present in some contraceptive products counteract the androgens (male sex hormones) that are responsible for acne. Thus birth control products may be prescribed as an option, except of course for pregnant women and nursing mothers.

What Is Sex Therapy In Terms Of Sex Addiction Recovery?

What is sex therapy? It is a form of psychotherapy. In therapy, people can work with a therapist either on their own or with their spouse or partner. The issues can range from childhood trauma, abuse, neglect or intimacy to sexual concerns such as feelings or function. It is a helpful way for adults, regardless of sexual orientation, age or gender to work through their problems. In particular, sex therapy is an important part of the recovery process for many people who have struggled with sex addiction.

In general, sex therapy is conducted by licensed professionals including psychologists, physicians and therapists. CSAT’s, certified sex addiction therapists are best suited to handle the problems of sexually addicted individuals. Other professionals have a specialized expertise in the field of sexual/relationship therapy. A reputable sex therapist will have a graduate degree and credentials through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).

People who are struggling with sex addiction will not always be at a point where they are ready for sex therapy. In most cases, sex therapy is meant to be a short-term treatment option. However, the treatment plan for sex therapy is based on the individual. Once a sex addict is ready for sex therapy as an individual or with his or her partner or spouse, he or she may work with the therapist to address specific treatment goals.

There is one big misconception that needs to be cleared up when it comes to sex therapy. At no time during any therapy session by certified sex therapists should there be sexual contact with the patients either in the office or off-site. If you or someone you know is going to a “therapist” who engages in contact with them, this behavior should raise a red flag. Sex therapy, like other forms of therapy involves verbal communication between the therapist and the patient.

So what exactly does sex therapy involve? Why should anyone, let alone sex addicts see a sex therapist? The answer is quite simple: Sex therapy is an effective way to help people resolve their concerns about sexual desire or arousal, sexual interests or orientation, compulsive sexual behavior, erectile dysfunction, ejaculating too quickly (premature ejaculation), trouble reaching orgasm, painful intercourse and intimacy issues related to a disability or chronic condition just to name a few. All of these concerns can be worked through with the guidance of a licensed therapist.

Let’s face it, discussing sex and intimacy issues can be a very sensitive subject. Therefore, it is important to keep in mind that sex therapists are professionals. Your therapist will help you begin to feel comfortable discussing your concerns. A therapist’s office is a safe setting where you can feel comfortable expressing yourself without judgment or condemnation. It is a place where you and your partner or spouse can learn and grow together. For sex addicts, learning how to move beyond sexually compulsive behaviors and developing healthy sexual behaviors, relationships and intimacy is of utmost importance.

It is natural to feel reluctant to take the first step and commit yourself to sex therapy. You might feel you need to somehow prepare for it. In reality, all you need to do is search for a certified therapist whom you and your spouse or partner (if you are attending as a couple) feel comfortable with and trust. A good place to start is by talking to your primary care doctor. He or she can give you a referral to either a therapist or to a sex therapy clinic. Some health insurance programs or employee programs offer recommended listings for licensed professionals such as sex therapists. Another good option is to find certified members of the AASECT in your area. Finally, if you are enrolled in a sex addiction treatment program, they might recommend a number of ideal options for you.

There are many considerations you will want to keep in mind before you decide on a therapist. It is important to research the therapist’s credentials including education, training, accreditation and licensing. For sex addicts, you may also want to know the therapist’s level of experience in dealing with issues specific to sex addiction. Other considerations might include the office location and hours, session length, treatment length, frequency of sessions, cost, insurance coverage and payment options.

Communication is essential to successful results from sex therapy. You must ensure you and your spouse or partner are comfortable with the therapist you decide on. Take some time after your consultation to evaluate how you feel about the therapist and if you feel you can develop a strong line of communication with this individual. There is no shame in asking for a referral if it isn’t a good match.

Once you have selected a therapist who you feel comfortable with, you may still be a bit apprehensive. Understanding what to expect might help ease your concerns. Initially, you should expect to discuss your sexual concerns. As a sex addict, you will need to discuss the nature of your sexual addiction and the steps you have taken for recovery. Essentially, you need to give the therapist a broad overview of your situation. Ultimately, the therapist will use this information to help you build communication and improve your intimacy problems.

If you are attending sex therapy as a couple with your spouse or partner, you should expect to be asked to do a number of homework exercises. These may include reading about sexual techniques, slowing down and concentrating on your senses during sexual encounters and changing the way you relate to your spouse or partner during sex. As a sex addict, it may also include learning to develop healthy sexual behaviors with your spouse or partner.

The length of your therapy will vary based on your particular needs. It can be as short as a handful of sessions or last for several months. Your experiences outside of therapy will play a large role in determining the direction of your therapy sessions. It is also important to remember sex therapy should not include physical contact between you and the therapist. This is not an accepted part of mainstream sex therapy treatment.

Finally, you need to remember sex therapy will often be just small part of your treatment, especially when recovering from sex addiction. Other considerations such as stress, anxiety, depression and medical issues will also require treatment. Sex therapy will help you develop healthy sexual behaviors and restore your sexual relationship with your spouse or partner.

Cure Adult Acne The Fast And Easy Way

Many adults make the mistake of trying to cure their acne using methods which are otherwise applicable to teenagers only. This is a mistake which should ideally be avoided at all costs. Accordingly, in this article we enlist some initiatives which can be taken easily to cure adult acne.

Apply Topical Creams Meant For Adults ONLY

One of the first steps required to be taken to cure adult acne is to apply topical creams which are meant specifically for adults in the first place. A major reason for which a lot of adults do not see the kind of results which they seek is because they apply creams not meant for their skin. Remember that young teenagers and adults in their 30s and beyond have very different skin textures; the supple factor is very different too. Accordingly, the creams which are applied have to be different too.

Correctly Identify Adult Acne In Women And Cure Accordingly

Adult acne in women has certain causes which need to be dealt with accordingly. For instance, ingestion of birth control pills has often been seen as a trigger of acne among adult women. Likewise, hormonal imbalances, irregular periods, and sudden stressors have all been seen as major causes of acne among adult women.

These causes need to be identified accurately, for the acne to be cured in turn. As an instance, if a particular brand of birth control pills have been noted as the trigger for an acne outburst, perhaps that brand will have to be changed for an alternative one, or the ingestion of birth control pills will have to be foregone altogether in favor of other contraceptive measures.

Work Conditions That Trigger Acne

Among adults, work conditions often trigger acne; conditions which youngsters, especially teenagers are not exposed to. A classic instance would be adults working in factories who are invariably exposed to dust and other particulate matter which then sticks to their skin and eventually leads to acne. This is clearly not a cause for acne among children or young teenagers.

The correct way to cure adult acne in such a scenario would be to keep the skin clean and dry at all times so that dust or other particulate matter cannot accumulate in the first place. Beyond that, if the job itself can be changed to one where there is no such hazardous exposure of the skin to extraneous elements, it would be highly beneficial, which of course is not always very easy to do

Women LOVE Sex!


We don’t have to talk a woman into having sex.

Women love sex! They actually WANT sex.

Only problem is they deal with cultural stuff surrounding sex. More than us. You know, being seen as a “slut.” For us, someone calls us that, it’s almost a compliment.

Why the double-standard?

Women are seen as the “guardians” of sex. I mean, if a woman doesn’t open the “door” to us and we force our way in… well, there are laws against that. Even though she’s got the SAME EXACT desires we have, if she opens the “door” too easily, she gets chastised, ostracized.

At least that’s the story. But to what extent is that story meant to “control” women?

A woman’s sexuality is like an ocean. It’s large, powerful, flowing, changing, receptive. Men take a dip inside and come out limp. Not to mention her sexuality can bring the strongest of us to our knees. Hello Samson. And then of course there are the husbands who’ve historically worried whether his children really are his.

So, to what extent is that word “slut” meant to control women’s sexuality? ‘Cause I don’t see why women can’t enjoy the same freedom to enjoy sex as we do.

Agree with me, disagree with me. I don’t care. My point is this.

One big reason women SEEM like they’re not into sex as much as us is because they have the social consequences to deal with. As well as pregnancy consequences. And even emotional consequences (sex is often an emotional experience for women). So, they hide their desires.

Doesn’t mean they don’t want it. ‘Cause they do. Oh, man do they. They just have more stuff to deal with around it than we do. They don’t want to be judged, so they hide it.

“No, no, no, no,” I hear someone saying. “I’ve been with my wife for twelve years and she won’t give me any. How do you explain that?”

Hey, if she has sex out of obligation… Or if sex isn’t fun or pleasurable… of course she won’t want it.

But if she ENJOYS the sex… why would anyone NOT want something that’s pleasurable?

Still don’t believe me?

Look at a book like Nancy Friday’s “Secret Garden.”

Nancy Friday is a journalist who had collected women’s most secret sexual thoughts and fantasies. That book’s a collection of women’s fantasies from the mouths of real women.

Read that and you soon see how CRAZY sexual women are.

Not only that, you see a theme. A lot of women’s fantasies have to do with being dominated, “ravaged,” and “taken.” You realize, women don’t just love sex, they love to get taken!

What does that mean?

#1. Don’t Be Judgmental.

Never EVER pass judgment on her sexuality. It’s GREAT that she’s sexual! Love it. Let her be free. Make her feel comfortable letting go and being so sexual with you.

The more comfortable she is letting go (because she knows you won’t judge her), the more comfortable she’ll be to unleash the sexual BEAST inside of her.

And really… Is there anything more beautiful than a woman in ecstasy?

I know. Of course there isn’t.

#2. Attitude – She Wants You

You already have what she wants. You have a cock. She wants that, man.

So, you never have to talk a woman into sex. You never have to kiss her ass. You never have to spend loads of money in order to “get” sex from her.

After you make her feel comfortable with sex, all you’ve gotta do is turn her on. Believe me, she’ll want it then.

Well how do you do that?

#3. Give Her Sex She ENJOYS

Turn on her mind. Her mind is her largest sex organ. Turn on her mind, and her body will follow.

That means physical sex techniques won’t turn her on alone. You’ve gotta also use psychological sex techniques. Those are even more important.

What are psychological sex techniques?

Turning on her mind. Meaning…

First, you’ve gotta shut off the “slut” threat inside her, and make her feel comfortable giving herself to you.

One prime way to make her feel comfortable: massages. Give her a massage.

Even better? A leg and foot massage.

Most guys, including myself, forget to massage a woman’s lower body. But relaxing her lower body goes a loooong way to relaxing her whole body.

Second, you’ve gotta make her feel beautiful and sexy and desirable. That means getting completely and totally turned on by her. In addition, she’s gotta feel liked not just for her looks, but for her as a HUMAN BEING.

Complicated? Check.

Third, you’ve gotta spend plenty of time with foreplay. Her second biggest sex organ is her skin all over. Her va-jay-jay comes in third place.

So, spend time exploring her skin all over before touching her sexual bits and pieces. This teases her, and turns her mind on even more.

Man, let me tell you. She’ll be wet and BEGGING you for sex. Ha!

#4. TAKE her.

But you don’t always have to make “sweet love” to her.

Of course women enjoy that. But once you’ve got the water boiling, women ALSO love getting raunchy, animalistic, naughty. They love dirty talk, being taboo, being dominated.

Women are horny, man, HORNY.

Well, how do you “take” her?

Talk dirty
Make noise (be expressive, not just silent)
Pull her hair
Pin her hands behind her head
Slap her butt
Feel her breasts
Pick her up
Bend her over
Throw her on the bed
Give it to her hard.


Now, ladies come first. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.

But I even hesitate writing that. I mean, definitely let a girl come before you. And if you come before she does, make sure to take care of your girl. But great sex isn’t just about the orgasm. A TOY can make her come for God’s sakes.

Great sex is more about paying attention to her, connecting with her. It’s like the old saying: the journey’s more important than the destination.

Let me tell you a quick story about this.

I had sex with this BEAUTIFUL girl who eventually became my girlfriend. One night we were reminiscing about the first time we had sex. I’ll never forget what she said: “I don’t even remember whether I had an orgasm or not, but I just remember the sex being REALLY good.”

Why? I had paid attention to her.

Now, there were other times I had sex with her and tried too hard to give her orgasm. And you know what? She DID have an orgasm. But the sex wasn’t as good. Go figure.

So, orgasms are cool but even more important to having great sex: paying attention to the way her body responds moment-to-moment, rapport, making her feel beautiful and liked as a human being. AND also TAKING her, DESIRING her, ENJOYING her.

Then after it’s all done, making her feel beautiful.


Yes, again. “I can’t hold you close enough”… a satisfying ending will ensure she’ll be coming back to you for more.

My point it simple. She WANTS sex and she WANTS to be taken. So TAKE her!

Unleash her ocean of sexuality. And make her feel good about it along the way.


Sex Without Intimacy and Intimacy Without Sex


We no longer feel the social pressure to confine sex to
committed relationships. In fact, we’re free to explore our
sexuality with just about anyone we like. Sex is now an
accepted recreational activity. What we often don’t realize,
however, is that even casual, recreational sex still
involves intimacy. We may have overcome our fear and shame
about sex, but many of us still have issues regarding
intimacy. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle,
we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be
triggered. No matter how “safe” we make sex, sex may not be
safe to us.

When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourselves more
completely and more honestly than at any other time. We let
our egos die for a moment, and we have the chance to
experience a true connection with another person. Then the
ego comes back into the picture, and we’re hit with the fear
of separation, and all of our old patterns. If we don’t have
enough trust or enough safety, we will feel threatened,
guilty, and generally unsafe. No matter how much society’s
beliefs about sex have evolved in our lifetime, our core
conditioning tells us that there’s no such thing as
no-strings sex. We still equate sex with love, and love with
commitment. And we equate love and commitment with
vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs
will not be met.

Sex is very easy to come by in today’s society. What most of

us crave, however, is not sex, but intimacy. The challenge
is that the only model most of us have for expressing or
experiencing intimacy is sex. Intimacy requires trust, and
trust takes time. It’s very difficult to experience true
intimacy through casual sex.

The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be
threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs
early in the relationship. Safety is essential in the early
stages of a relationship–even the smallest safety violation
can mark the end of a budding romance. As we get to know our
partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and
familiarity. We can keep minor safety violations in
perspective. This is not the case when we have truly casual
sex with someone.

When we become sexual with a person we’ve just met, even the
smallest safety violation will be enough to stop our getting
to know each other. One of the challenges is that it’s not
usually appropriate or possible to have a Relationship
Definition Talk with a person we’ve known less than six
hours. There is no real relationship to discuss. While we
both may have wanted to pursue a romantic relationship
before we had sex, we often find we’re less interested the
next morning, because we feel unsafe. We experienced too
much intimacy too quickly, and we need to create some
distance, some space, and to put up some walls so that we
can recover. These walls, however, block the emotional and
spiritual connections we experienced that made us want to
get to know each other in the first place. Since we don’t
really know our partner, we wonder if there was ever a
genuine connection between us. We often end up with the
awkward “morning after” where one of us promises to call the
other, and neither of us believes the phone will actually

Two popular television shows demonstrate our current
approaches to sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex.


HBO’s television series, “Sex and the City,” follows the
loves and lives of four single women living in New York
City. The show has become a cultural touchstone because it
explores sexuality from the woman’s point of view in frank,
funny, and honest ways. The four main characters are smart,
independent, decent, professional, attractive women. They
each have a different approach to sex, love and
relationships, and between them they cover a broad spectrum
of expectations and attitudes towards sex. The main
characters have become so much a part of popular culture
that many women use them as reference points to describe
their own patterns and feelings about sex. So do many gay

For those of you not familiar with the series (and even for
those of us who are), I’ll provide a brief description of
each of the main characters to illustrate their attitudes

towards sex.


Samantha Jones takes the most stereotypically male approach
to sex. She truly enjoys sex, and for the most part, she’s
content to have a healthy sex life with multiple partners.
She has no guilt or shame associated with sex. Sex for
Samantha does not require any kind of emotional commitment,
nor does it imply any kind of relationship. She enjoys sex
for the sake of sex. Samantha is largely self-sufficient,
and is able to meet her validation needs through her close
friendships. Although Samantha had three significant
romantic relationships during the run of the show (including
a lesbian relationship), she has never set out to find a


Carrie Bradshaw has a healthy appreciation for casual sex as
well. Carrie, however, is looking for something more than
just sex–she is looking for a relationship. While Carrie is
less likely than Samantha to simply hook up with an
attractive stranger, she doesn’t need to feel like she’s in
a committed relationship before she will have sex. Sex is a
part of casual dating for Carrie.


Miranda Hobbes is more interested in finding a romantic
relationship than she admits. For Miranda, sex is more than
just sex–it implies some kind of commitment, and requires
some kind of emotional connection. The few times Miranda has
indulged in strictly casual sex, she’s been disappointed.
Miranda needs to feel that sex is a part of a
relationship–and she has, in the past, used sex as a way to
try to initiate a relationship. Once she has sex with
someone, she immediately begins to see him as a potential
long-term romantic partner.


If Samantha is the most stereotypically masculine in her
approach to sex, Charlotte York is the most stereotypically
feminine. Although she doesn’t like to admit it, Charlotte
is uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex. For Charlotte,
sex should only be part of a committed relationship.
Charlotte sets the most boundaries with respect to her sex
life–how far she’s willing to go sexually has a direct
relation to how strong a commitment she receives from her
partner. Of course this did backfire on her–she made her
first husband wait until they were married before she would
have sex with him, and then discovered that he couldn’t.


“Sex and the City” mainly focuses on sex. If we want to find
a model for an intimate relationship, we have to look to
another popular television show: “Will & Grace.” Will Truman
and Grace Adler share a tremendous amount of love, trust and
intimacy in their relationship. They validate and support
each other, and they share the kind of emotional connections
that most of us truly crave in our lives. Ironically, the
only reason that they manage to do this is that sex can
never be a part of their relationship, since Will is gay.
Women and gay men have always shared a special bond. In many
ways, relationships between women and gay men are the only
ones where we can experience true intimacy without involving

But sex and intimacy are still connected. The more intimate
we become with someone, the more important it will be that
we are able to express that intimacy through sex. Our
objective in our romantic relationships is to feel loved.
Ultimately, love involves a balance of sex and intimacy. But
for many of us, the choice seems to be either having
intimacy without sex, or sex without intimacy. We’ve all but
forgotten how to combine the two.

Adult Business Woes: The Problems of Setting up an Adult Content Site


As with any other business, the adult industry is not without its problems. Beginnings are always tough for any new endeavor. If you plan on starting your own adult site, you may want to consider the following problems that new adult merchants encounter.

1.The ever-tightening law belt against adult-related content – Law enforcement agencies have knuckled down on protecting younger Internet users from exposure to content deemed immoral. Some laws have also been laid down for what’s good for consumption of the general public and what’s not. For instance, the Child Online Protection Act of 1998 makes it illegal for adult site owners to post child pornography, at least in the United States. While the existing laws may not necessarily be able to cover your particular brand of adult content, it cannot be denied that it has had a certain ripple effect throughout the industry. One way to deal with this hindrance to success is simply to know what’s legal and what’s not. Do not risk limiting your goods and services to a genre that may be banned in countries that are major target markets.

2.Hosting limitations – Most web hosts have a contingency against adult-related sites, mostly because they don’t want adult material on their servers. Two other things that go against adult website operators in this context is their demand for high bandwidth and disk space to cover the site’s high traffic, high volume streaming and media-rich content. If you are looking for a host, make sure to get one that will be able to cover both requirements. While some mainstream hosts are willing to work with adult site owners, they may not understand the business as in depth as an industry-specific host could.

3.Difficulty in acquiring an adult merchant account – Perhaps the toughest problem to overcome, acquiring a merchant account can be a time-consuming and difficult process for the adult merchant. First among the things to contend with would be the killer rates. As adult businesses are considered high risk account, they are often subjected to sky-high fees. The best solution to this problem would be to find a payment processor catering specifically to the adult industry. One example would be AdultMerchantPay. This particular online payment processor offers low-cost accounts with no upfront fees. An adult merchant account service provider would also understand the need of the adult merchant for optimum security and should be able to provide this with an advance technology payment gateway.

4.Lack of compelling content available- Webmasters of adult sites are always looking for something fresh and something new. While many sites offer good content, what you should be looking for in a supplier is: 1) variety; 2) original content; and 3) the legal stuff. As previously mentioned, not all content is deemed legal. So aside from looking for the good stuff, make sure you are dealing with the legal ones as well.

5.Market satiated with free products and services – To say that the competition in the adult world is tight is an understatement. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of adult content websites out there. Why should the average consumer pay for your services and goods when a glut of free online adult entertainment content can easily be accessed online? The answer to this problem may be less complex than you think. Offer a service that is different from what everyone else out there has. Focusing on your own niche is the best way to get your audience to be loyal subscribers.

One thing to remember when starting an adult site: With the right mix of marketing savvy, great content and old-fashioned hard work, your adult website can, and most likely will, succeed. While other entertainment businesses may suffer from an economic roller coaster, the adult industry will feel nary a sting from the ups and downs of a country’s financial state. The reason is obvious, access to online adult content is easier to acquire than any other entertainment venue (say movies, plays or fine dining). Adult sites are only a click away and subscriptions to a site will last longer than what a consumer gets when paying for dinner and a movie.

Aside from having accessibility on its side, the probability of its success is also driven by the consistently high demand for adult-related material. Thousands of subscribers keep the industry afloat by continuing to pay big bucks on a recurring basis. So make sure you have original, eye-popping content that is within the legal boundaries of your target market. Get a host that can cater to your specific needs and an adult merchant account provider that will ensure you get paid for all your troubles.

The First Habit of Highly Effective Adult ADHD Treatment – Be Proactive

In 1989 Steven Covey wrote and published “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” which is a self-help manual of 7 simple, yet powerful steps for personal improvement. Millions have used these timeless principles to improve themselves for the better. This article will explore how someone who has been diagnosed with adult ADHD/ADD (or knows someone who has been diagnosed) can begin to use these habits to enhance their adult ADHD treatment and journey to wellness. This exercise is not a replacement for reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” nor is it a replacement for professional adult ADHD treatment, but a supplementary exercise to propel a “good” treatment into a highly effective adult ADHD treatment.

Steven Covey on his personal website shares that the first habit is “Be Proactive.” What does it mean to “Be Proactive”?

Steven Covey writes:
“Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can’t keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are “response-able.” They don’t blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn’t, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power-you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language-I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language-I can’t, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do-they have no choice.”

First, the adult with ADHD is encouraged to take responsibility for his/her life and adult ADHD treatment. This should not be thought of as a punishment or negative judgment upon the individual, because a common symptom of adults with ADHD is negative self-esteem. The adult with ADHD more than likely already feels ashamed of his/her behavior so it must be made perfectly clear that these statements are taken as positive and uplifting reinforcement and not another lecture of words to tear down. It is hoped that this positive encouragement reverberate with such intensity that that it will be able to keep internal and external negative reinforcement at bay.

It is easy to blame others for our shortcomings. Some of this blame is actually true, however adults with ADHD need to come to grips with this condition and say to themselves, “This is the way I am but I am going to have to deal with it regardless of where it came from”. Life is not fair but we must continue to move on to improve in life. Proactive ADHD people can be “response-able.” Adults with ADHD do have the freedom to choose their response even in the midst of negative surroundings. They may say to themselves, “I cannot change – it’s so hard. I am not responsible for the mess I am in and I am not the one responsible for getting me out..”

Second, adults with ADHD are encouraged to discover what they can control and what they have little or no control over. People can (generally) control the outcome of their health, behavior, body language, conversation, thoughts, children, etc. People have very little or no control over other people’s beliefs, the weather, the traffic, other people’s attitudes, other people’s ethics, other people’s emotions, other people’s parenting, and other people’s vote, etc. It is true that we may be concerned about traffic, weather, politics, attitudes, feelings, social condition, terrorism, etc, and we may have a little influence on these things, but not in a major or significant way.

Regardless of the method of adult ADHD treatment, adults with ADHD are encouraged to begin working on the things they can actually control. Adults with ADHD have the same areas of influence as everyone else. There are three specific areas the adult with ADHD should ADDress: (1) Behavior, (2) Health, and (3) Time. Therefore, the adult with ADHD should ask, “How Can I Control My Behavior?”, “How Can I Control My Health?”, and “How Can I Control My Time?”

Finally, this exercise may quickly overwhelm persons with ADHD and they may feel so paralyzed that they feel like “being proactive” is a dream and not a realistic expectation. However the truth is that they can be proactive! The adult with ADHD is encouraged to understand that being proactive is not a destination, it is a habit developed one day at a time, one moment at a time. For adults with ADHD, when positive reinforcement does not come from within, they are encouraged ask for help starting with friends, family, and significant others. In reality, to ask for help is a proactive task. For the adult with ADHD, your first step may be to ask for help. The second step may be to continue asking and seeking for help until a healthy answer is received. A third step may be to continue seeking until visible changes are seen. For the person who has a significant other who is or may be suffering from adult ADHD, your first step may be one of proactive encouragement.

In summary, regardless of the method of adult ADHD treatment, the first step begins with practicing the habit of being proactive. Keep practicing